Holding fast: staying close together during the trials of life

August introduced two drastic changes for our family, the kind of mini-season where we were forced to pause, reassess, and create new plans for the future.

Here are some of the details and thoughts that we’ve had as we adjusted to new normals. Perhaps they will help whenever seasons change in your life as well.

Change 1: Family

We began the month facing the reality of our second miscarriage.

This was a rough start for us, both personally and more broadly, because it changed so many things about the coming 9-12 months. We were dealing with the unexpected loss of an expected child, family events that were previously on hold due to travel were back on the table, and timelines for an upcoming move became less defined. We found little reminders each day that required recalibration as to how we had been thinking about the next season for our family.

Children are a blessing from God that we do not deserve; He has the right to give or hold back future blessings.

Our older two children – six and four, at the time – seemed to process the changes in similarly random ways. We were sitting at the dinner table and one asked how many weeks the baby would have been, while the other suddenly observed that we could place the fourth car seat into storage.

Each day was better than the one before, though anyone who has gone through a miscarriage will tell you that it’s a slow process. We tried our best to take it one day at a time and carefully examine the new paths ahead, resting in the mixture of joy and grief that came with daily life.

Change 2: Job

Towards the middle of the month, Charles’s full-time employer chose to issue a mixture of layoffs and furloughs, and he was part of a group asked to stop working in August. The hope was that business would improve and all employees could return two months later (Charles was eventually permanently laid off along with a handful of others).

While the short-term needs were suddenly very pressing, we became more aware of possibilities and opportunities for mid-to-long-term seasons in the future. Five years at a job feels like a long time until you put it into perspective with other life events.

Looking forward, we carefully balanced a mixture of contract work and savings required to replace the lost income. We had maintained a strong emergency fund to cover several months of expenses; having a safety net helped us think less about survival and more about where we would like to be at this time next year.

A New Chapter

Near the end of the month, we chose to take a full week away from work and other commitments to recharge. It wasn’t a particularly restful week – seeing both sets of grandparents had the children on an all-time high – but it was just what we needed.

Several of these challenges also became opportunities for blessings: miscarriage brought many loving people to our side; job changes gave us a greater appreciation for steady work; time together each day felt increasingly precious.

When challenges arise, we find it ever more important to hold fast to one another and openly share our struggles, thoughts, and victories. It helps us stay in lock step and place our individual thoughts and feelings into perspective.

As we look to the days ahead, we find ourselves in a peaceful state of daily trust upon God for provision and direction. While the next two months seem more approachable, we have no idea where we’ll be when this mini chapter has concluded. This month has made us ever more grateful for the support of family, church, and close friends, so we’re moving forward with fresh perspectives and gratitude for new opportunities to grow closer as a family.